By Ben Carey Donaldson, Certified IFS Therapist
(estimated reading time: 7 minutes)
Starting therapy often comes with a mixture of hope, uncertainty, and apprehension. Many people arrive knowing something in their inner life feels strained or conflicted, yet unsure what will actually happen once a session begins.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a clear process that reduces much of that ambiguity. Rather than analysing your life from the outside, IFS invites you into a guided relationship with your own inner world — at your own pace.
What follows here is a grounded look at what an actual session tends to feel like. If you are unfamiliar with the model itself, it may be helpful to first read What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)? or How IFS Works.
The Structure of a Typical Session
While no two IFS sessions are identical, there is a recognisable structure. This structure is not rigid, but it provides safety, coherence, and orientation — especially for new clients.
A clear overview of Internal Family Systems therapy and its core principles.
Settling and Checking In
Sessions usually begin with a brief check-in. This is not a performance review or diagnostic assessment. It is simply an invitation to notice what is present for you right now.
You might be asked:
- What feels most alive or pressing today?
- Is there a particular emotion, tension, or concern you would like to explore?
This settling phase serves two functions. First, it helps your nervous system orient and slow down. Second, it begins to identify which part of your inner system is most activated and might want attention.
From an IFS perspective, there is no need to force insight. What wants to be worked with usually makes itself known.
Locating Parts Through Sensation, Emotion, or Thought
“In IFS we have the client focus first on what we call a trailhead. This is an emotion, image, inner voice, thought, physical sensation, or impulse that, when brought into focus and followed, will lead to a part.”
- Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems Therapy 2nd Edition
While everyone’s system is unique, parts tend to fall into three broad functional roles:
IFS does not require vivid imagery, a strong imagination, or prior experience with introspection. Parts can be located in several ways:
- Bodily sensations (tightness in the chest, heaviness, restlessness)
- Emotions (anxiety, irritation, sadness, numbness)
- Thought patterns (self-criticism, looping worries, internal pressure)
- Memories (replaying scenes, images you can’t get out of your head)
Rather than interpreting these experiences, the therapist supports you in turning toward them with curiosity. Over time, a distinction begins to form between you and the experience itself — what IFS calls unblending.
At this stage, the work often feels surprisingly concrete. Clients frequently report that their inner responses feel less abstract than expected.
As Richard Schwartz describes:
“We can enter the unconscious and interact with it directly, asking questions about the desires, distortions, and agendas of the inner system. In response, our clients’ parts will answer clearly, take the client directly to crucial scenes from the past, and explain what is most important about their experience, removing the need for us to speculate, reframe, interpret, or instruct.”
This directness is one of IFS's defining features.
Deepening the Inner Relationship
Once a part has been identified, the session focuses on developing a relationship with it rather than trying to change it.
This might involve:
- Asking what the part is trying to accomplish
- Understanding what it fears would happen if it did not play its role
- Noticing how long it has been doing this job
Importantly, parts are approached with respect — even those associated with behaviours or reactions you dislike. Trust develops internally when parts feel seen rather than managed or overridden. Much of the early work in IFS is about creating this internal safety.
“The primary role of the therapist is to guide, coach, and be a companion to the client’s Self as he explores the mindscape… As clients continue to notice and be with their parts, between as well as in sessions, they come to appreciate that they are healing themselves.”
- Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems Therapy 2nd Edition
What You Might Experience Internally
For many people, the internal experience in IFS feels more familiar and manageable than they initially expect.
Demonstration of Internal Family Systems therapy in practice, featuring model founder Richard Schwartz.
Distinct Voices or Feelings Emerging
Some clients notice clear internal “voices” or perspectives. Others experience parts more as emotional tones, images, or physical sensations. All of these are valid.
There is no correct way for parts to appear. What matters is the quality of relationship forming between your observing awareness and what is being noticed.
Over time, clients often report a sense of relief in realising that conflicting impulses are not personal flaws, but expressions of different protective strategies within a coherent system.
Protective Reactions and How They Appear
“Resistance is the response of protective parts to a potential threat to the system. Protectors deserve to be understood, appreciated, and comforted before the client tries to approach vulnerable parts.”
- Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems Therapy 2nd Edition
In practice, protectors often take on recognisable patterns:
It is very common for protective parts to show up early in therapy. These might include:
- A sceptical part questioning the process
- An anxious part worried about losing control
- A numbing or distracting response
- A critical voice monitoring “progress”
In IFS, these reactions are not obstacles. They are information. Protectors are acknowledged, listened to, and reassured that the work will proceed at a pace that respects their concerns.
Nothing is forced. Access to vulnerable material only occurs when protective parts feel sufficiently safe.
The Shift into Self-Energy
At certain moments, clients notice a qualitative shift in their inner experience. There may be more calm, curiosity, or compassion toward what is emerging. This is referred to as Self-energy.
Self-energy is not something the therapist imposes or teaches. It emerges naturally when parts feel less threatened.
As Schwartz puts it:
“When we help clients access their Selves, we are activating the client’s innate ability to heal.”
This state tends to feel grounded rather than dramatic. Many people describe it as a sense of being more themselves — present, clear, and less reactive.
Common Fears and Misconceptions
First-time clients often carry understandable concerns about what parts-based work implies.
“Do I Have a Fragmented Identity?”
“All of us are born with many sub-minds that are constantly interacting inside of us. This is in general what we call thinking… Remembering a time when you faced a dilemma, it’s likely you heard one part saying, “Go for it!” and another saying, “Don’t you dare!” Because we just consider that to be a matter of having conflicted thoughts, we don’t pay attention to the inner players behind the debate. IFS helps you not only start to pay attention to them, but also become the active internal leader that your system of parts needs.”
IFS does not suggest dissociation or pathology.
Multiplicity is a normal feature of the human mind, supported by contemporary psychology and neuroscience. Having parts does not mean something is wrong; it means your system adapted intelligently to life circumstances.
IFS offers language and structure for experiences most people already recognise — inner conflict, self-criticism, emotional swings — without medicalising them.
“What If I Meet Something I Don’t Want to Face?”
This concern is especially common for people with trauma histories or long-standing emotional pain.
IFS is designed specifically to avoid overwhelm. Protective parts regulate access to deeper material, and nothing proceeds without consent — internally or externally.
You remain present throughout. There is no reliving, forced catharsis, or exposure without preparation. The pace is determined by your system, not the therapist’s agenda.
How IFS Works Online — Why Inner Work Translates Well Over Video or Audio
IFS is particularly well suited to online therapy, including video- or audio-only sessions. This is not a compromise; in many cases, it is an advantage.
Because the work focuses on directing attention inwards in a contemplative, almost meditative way, clients often find it easier to stay connected to their experience from their own familiar environment.
Online IFS therapy offers:
- Continuity for expats and remote workers across countries
- Flexibility around time zones
- A sense of safety and privacy
- The same depth of therapeutic process as in-person work
Clinical practice has shown that the effectiveness of IFS does not depend on physical proximity. What matters is attunement, pacing, and relational presence — all of which translate reliably online.
For many internationally mobile clients, this consistency can be a stabilising anchor amidst otherwise complex lives.
Curious to try it for yourself?
IFS is best understood through experience. I offer online sessions in English and French, supporting clients across Europe and around the world.
Explore whether this approach is right for you. You can book a free initial consultation or get in touch for more information below.
About the Author
Ben Carey Donaldson is a certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, meditation guide, and group facilitator based in the Fontainebleau–Paris region of France. He supports both English- and French-speaking clients across France, Europe, and internationally. He works with expats, international professionals, digital nomads, and remote workers, and understands the emotional complexity of living and working across cultures. He also works with locals––anyone seeking depth-oriented therapy that integrates psychological clarity with compassion and emotional nuance. His approach is grounded in IFS as a primary modality, informed by somatic awareness, trauma-sensitive practice, and contemplative insight. His practice offers a non-pathologising space for people navigating transitions, identity questions, loneliness, burnout, or the deeper work of reconnecting with meaning and inner coherence.
Frequently Asked Questions
What happens in an Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy session?
In an IFS therapy session, you are guided to notice emotions, sensations, or thought patterns that are active in the present moment and to relate to them as parts of an inner system. Rather than analysing or interpreting your experience, the therapist supports a respectful, paced exploration that helps parts feel understood and allows inner clarity to emerge naturally.
Is IFS therapy structured or more open-ended?
IFS therapy follows a clear but flexible structure. Sessions typically include a check-in, identifying an activated part, and developing a relationship with that part at a pace set by your system. The structure provides safety and orientation, while remaining responsive to what arises rather than following a rigid agenda.
Do I need to visualise or imagine things for parts work therapy?
No. Parts work therapy in IFS does not require visualisation or a strong imagination. Parts may be experienced as bodily sensations, emotions, inner dialogue, impulses, or memories. Any form your inner experience takes is valid and workable within the IFS approach.
What if I feel resistance or discomfort during an IFS session?
In IFS, resistance is understood as the activity of protective parts rather than a problem. These parts are approached with curiosity and respect, not pushed aside. Therapy proceeds only when protectors feel safe enough, which helps prevent overwhelm and ensures the work remains regulated and contained.
Is IFS therapy online as effective as in-person sessions?
Yes. IFS therapy online is highly effective because the work focuses on internal attention rather than physical interaction. Many clients—especially expats, remote workers, and internationally mobile professionals—find online IFS sessions equally deep and sometimes easier, as they can engage from a familiar and safe environment.
Related Articles
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)? - A Definitive Guide
How IFS Works: Parts, Protectors, Exiles, and Self-Energy
The History and Development of IFS
References & Further Reading
https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline
1. No Bad Parts — Richard C. Schwartz, PhD (2021)
2. Internal Family Systems Therapy (2nd Edition) — Richard Schwartz & Martha Sweezy (2019)
3. Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model — Richard Schwartz
4. Greater Than the Sum of Our Parts — Richard Schwartz