By Ben Carey Donaldson, Certified IFS Therapist
(estimated reading time: 8 minutes)
Ever find yourself caught between two different versions of yourself?
One part of you wants rest; another demands performance.
One part longs for connection; another pulls back in self-protection.
Perhaps you feel overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, or burnt out — not because something is “wrong” with you, but because you are being pulled in competing directions.
For many people I work with, there is relief in discovering a therapeutic model that explains these inner contradictions without pathologising them.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is that model. It provides a clear, compassionate map of the mind — and a method for healing that honours inner complexity.
This guide offers a complete, accessible introduction to IFS: what it is, why it works, and why so many people find it transformative.
A Brief Overview of Internal Family Systems
IFS is an evidence-based, experiential psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz Ph.D. throughout the 1980s and ‘90s. At its core is a powerful insight:
“The human mind is not one singular, unified, perfectly consistent subject. It is a whole ecosystem of many different perspectives, roles, or sub-personalities. Psychological health comes from the harmonious relationships between all these parts, while dysfunction arises from internal conflict.”
Many of us already speak in parts language:
“I feel torn.” “A part of me says ‘Go for it!’ Another says, ‘Don’t you dare!’” “Something inside shuts down under pressure.”
IFS gives structure and clarity to these intuitive experiences.
Why IFS Was Developed
Schwartz, originally a family therapist, observed that many of his clients experienced internal dynamics that resembled the conflicts of dysfunctional families. As he writes in No Bad Parts:
“I learned as a family therapist that understanding and improving a family’s structure was a far more effective and lasting way to help a child stop acting out than simply diagnosing and treating them without considering their family context.”
This shift in perspective laid the foundation for what later became the Internal Family Systems model.
The Central Insight: We Are Made of Parts
Schwartz explains that we all have “many sub-minds that are constantly interacting inside of us. This is in general what we call thinking, because the parts are talking to each other and to you constantly about things you have to do or debating the best course of action.”
The IFS term for one of these ‘sub-minds’ is ‘part’. There are three broad categories:
- Protectors (Managers & Firefighters): Parts that work hard to keep you functional, safe, or emotionally defended.
- Exiles: Parts carrying unresolved emotional burdens like pain, shame, fear, or loneliness — often pushed away to help you function.
- The Self: Your calm, compassionate, clear centre — the place in you that is not a part.
The Role of the Self
You are not your anxiety, your anger, or your inner critic.
Beneath those parts is something else, the essence of who you are—calm, confident, compassionate, connected.
You might call this your full potential, your higher nature, your spirit, or something else entirely. IFS refers to this way of being simply as ‘The Self.’
Through IFS practice, it is possible for anyone—even the most overwhelmed, exhausted, fragmented, or lost—to reconnect to this essential aspect of who we truly are.
The Core Principles of the IFS Model
IFS is built around several foundational principles that make it distinct from other approaches.
Multiplicity of Mind
IFS challenges what Schwartz calls ‘the mono-mind belief system—the idea that you have one mind, out of which [all your] different thoughts and emotions and impulses and urges emanate.’
The mind is naturally multiple. This does not mean pathology. Multiplicity is a feature, not a bug — and is supported by contemporary neuroscience’s understanding of modular, networked brain systems.
This principle allows clients to understand their internal world with far greater nuance and compassion.
The Non-Pathologising Stance
Parts are never “bad.”
Even the behaviours you dislike — overthinking, withdrawing, people-pleasing, overworking, shutting down — make sense when understood as misguided, ineffective or otherwise detrimental strategies employed by parts intending to help or protect you.
Self-Energy as a Healing Resource
In IFS, healing happens not through analysis, but through connection.
When the energy of the Self is present — calm, curious, compassionate — defensive or reactive protector parts naturally relax. This can allow the client to access deeper, more vulnerable parts of the psyche to safely and gently heal unresolved emotional trauma.
Self-energy is not an abstract concept. It’s an observable state characterised by what Schwartz calls the Eight Cs:
- Calm
- Curiosity
- Compassion
- Confidence
- Courage
- Clarity
- Creativity
- Connectedness
IFS therapy helps people cultivate these qualities throughout their life.
What Happens in an IFS Therapy Session?
For first-time clients — especially those seeking therapy online — knowing what to expect is helpful.
IFS follows a clear, client-led process.
Getting to Know Your Parts
You are invited to notice what you’re experiencing in the moment — a sensation, an emotion, a thought pattern — and to gently become curious about which ‘part’ is showing up.
Understanding Protective Strategies
Everyone has protectors: the anxious planner, the perfectionist, the inner critic, the avoider, the numb-er, the overachiever. In IFS, these parts are not confronted but befriended. This is because, as Schwarts describes:
“The harder we try to get rid of emotions and thoughts, the stronger they become. This is because parts, like people, fight back against being shamed or exiled. And if we do succeed in dominating them with punitive self-discipline, we then become tyrannised by the rigid, controlling inner drill sergeant. We might be disciplined, but we’re not much fun... constantly on guard against any people or situations that might trigger those parts.”
Instead, in an IFS session, we seek to understand the parts’ motives, their hopes and fears, and the experiences that led them to view the world the way they do.
Working Safely with Vulnerable Parts
When protectors feel respected and secure, they step back. Only then can you approach the exiled parts carrying sadness, loneliness, shame, or fear.
In IFS, this is done slowly and gently, to avoid the risk of overwhelming re-activation. IFS never pushes you beyond what you are ready for.
Why People Seek IFS
IFS resonates with people facing a wide range of emotional experiences.
Anxiety, Overwhelm, and Internal Conflict
Many of my clients are expats juggling identity transitions, remote workers balancing uncertainty, and high achievers managing pressure. They often describe intense internal polarisation — the sensation of competing inner demands.
IFS offers a framework to understand and soothe these conflicts.
Shame, Trauma, and Emotional Wounds
Deep inside us, we can carry:
- childhood attachment wounds
- guilt or shame
- unresolved grief
- internalised criticism
- memories of being unseen or overwhelmed
IFS provides a gentle pathway to approach and heal these experiences.
Burnout, Numbness, and Loss of Purpose
Some of my clients who are established international professionals describe:
- emotional fatigue
- loss of joy
- the sense of running on autopilot
- questioning the meaning of their choices
IFS helps them reconnect with vitality, curiosity, and purpose — not by pushing, but by listening inwardly.
How IFS Differs from Traditional Talk Therapy
IFS is not simply another conversational modality. It offers a fundamentally different method and worldview.
Less Analysis, More Relationship with Inner Experience
Rather than analysing thoughts or discussing stories for insight, IFS invites you into direct contact with the inner world itself — the parts that hold the emotions, beliefs, and behavioural strategies.
This makes the work more experiential and transformative.
A Collaborative and Empowering Process
It’s not the IFS therapist’s role to impose their analysis or judgements.
They simply provide the support for you to build your own understanding.
You are the director of your own healing process.
Clients often find this approach:
- more empowering
- less judgmental
- more resonant with their lived experience
- more suited to complex or cross-cultural identities
6. Where to Go Next
IFS is a complete model — a map, a practice, and a path of inner leadership.
If you’d like to deepen your understanding, the following websites are useful:
https://centerhealthyminds.org
If you are curious about exploring this work for yourself, you can schedule a free initial consultation to experience whether IFS is right for you.
About the Author
Ben Carey Donaldson is a certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, meditation guide, and group facilitator based in the Fontainebleau–Paris region of France. He supports both English- and French-speaking clients across France, Europe, and internationally. He works with expats, international professionals, digital nomads, and remote workers, and understands the emotional complexity of living and working across cultures. He also works with locals––anyone seeking depth-oriented therapy that integrates psychological clarity with compassion and emotional nuance. His approach is grounded in IFS as a primary modality, informed by somatic awareness, trauma-sensitive practice, and contemplative insight. His practice offers a non-pathologising space for people navigating transitions, identity questions, loneliness, burnout, or the deeper work of reconnecting with meaning and inner coherence.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Internal Family Systems therapy?
IFS is an evidence-based therapeutic model that helps people understand and heal the different “parts” of their inner world. It is grounded in the idea that the mind is naturally multiple and that we have an innate Self capable of leading with compassion and clarity.
How can IFS help with anxiety and overthinking?
In IFS, anxiety and overthinking are seen as protective parts working hard to manage risk or prevent overwhelm. When these parts are understood, respected, and supported by Self-energy, they naturally soften.
Is IFS suitable for people living abroad or working remotely?
Yes. IFS translates exceptionally well to online work and is well-suited to expats, nomads, and international clients seeking therapy in English from anywhere in Europe.
What happens during an online IFS session?
After an initial check-in to see how you’re going, we will choose a particular part to work with. Through various techniques, you will be supported to develop a more positive relationship with this part of yourself, which can lead to the release of stuck emotional energy and—often—a feeling of lightness, peace, or greater insight by the end of the session.
How long does it take to notice changes?
The effect of this work can be felt from the very first session. These effects cumulate over time. While there is no set timeline, many clients can report breakthroughs within weeks. Beyond that, the practices contained in IFS Therapy are useful throughout life’s journey—we never stop growing!
Further Reading
Richard Schwartz – No Bad Parts
Richard Schwartz – Introduction to Internal Family Systems
Martha Sweezy & Richard Schwartz – Internal Family Systems Therapy (2nd ed.)